Tempus Fugits

This started off as a FB comment on a status I posted, and then I realized I’d written enough for a blog post and decided to blog it.

I Still have to put some fairly substantial money into the car, but I think I can get the two tires with the belts showing through this week, and *maybe* the oil change it desperately needs (update: got the two tires, after I wrote this). The check after maybe I can start pecking away at the rest of it, or at least decide whether I’m going to bother spending the time.

I still need to find someone to do a special inspection so I can get that plate handled by the end of the month. A tuneup will pay for itself in a month – pretty sure that V8 is firing on about 5 right now, new plugs will be beautiful, probably needs filters all ’round and so forth, oil change, check system integrities – it gets way too hot hot if I idle in traffic, but it’s still in good enough shape that it stays steady temp when I’m moving and if it does spike I can turn the heat all the way up full blast in the car for a minute and it’ll get back down to where it should be.  I put rear brakes on it with the check before last – thanks Chris and Sonya! – etc.

Big question on that is going to be the suspension. I figure that putting $1500 into that car over a period of the next three to four months will be about the same results cost-wise and in terms of how I have to pay for it, as if I walked into a car lot with a grand in cash and took another few hundred on the Lincoln as a trade-in. Plus I’m driving it – let’s call it 135 a week right now, 125 of that back and forth to work.  So add another hundred or so incidental on that over that period. So if I can get it up to snuff for an 18 year old connie with 170K on it for <1600, I’ll do it. If not, I’ll keep it rolling as best I can and save up enough to swap it for something I can keep up without it becoming a money pit.

This is all of course depending on my job. I’m still really struggling with whether I want to stay where I am. The arguments look like this:.

On one hand, I’ve looked and it’s my market right now. I need to put some time into assembling a proper portfolio. It probably isn’t the difference of whether I can find a job directly in my field that doesn’t involve being under direct financial pressure(*), but it could make tens of thousands of dollars’ difference if I can find the right job in my field, and there are definitely at least a handful of jobs out there getting near the six figure range that I know I’m capable of and can readily demonstrate that capability.

On the other hand, things are still very tedious and unsteady for me, largely because while I’ve got about the coolest job in the world for being basically a call center drone it doesn’t pay worth a damn.  There is the usual sales incentive; I had an outstanding check this period and if I did that every week for the rest of the year I’d be doing fairly well, but if that was something I had any real confidence in that wouldn’t be an outstanding check.

And did I mention that short of being in a band that was gigging regularly enough to pay the bills – and frankly I’m not even in suitable shape for that right now, although I could be in a month if I had the gear to work with and a place to use it – this is one of the coolest jobs imaginable for me?  Other than the fact that it’s a sales job and the pay is the pits, it’s perfect, and it’s steady – I’d have to pretty much try to get fired.  So it’s mine as long as I want it, where a new job even for much more pay might not be.

If I could just get to where I had the money to take full advantage of the benefits, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to leave even though I fundamentally dislike being in a sales job.  I can do the job well enough to keep it, I’ve proven that beyond question.

It has the additional benefit of putting me in a position to start creating content regularly again.  When I was writing regularly I’d built up to the point where I was pulling in a hundred or so a month from traffic.  That’s like three a month right now.  Given all factors, if I can get rolling properly on that I can start making more than that hundred, I’m quite sure, but being able to do that is dependent on how quickly my finances can get truly stabilized, and right now I’m not in nearly the position I was in while I was at school and not working, but I’m still hand to mouth.

So it’s an open question for me right now, beyond the extent that I”m not going to quit without having something that pays significantly more than this gig does, because the intangibles at this gig are absolutely enormous.

(*) Ultimately the way things are today EVERYTHING is under some kind of financial pressure to sell something. I sell best what I believe in, and I believe most in myself and the general idea of trying to improve the world through helping people understand it who maybe don’t so much right now.

We sure as hell didn’t get this election by being the best-informed and most well-reasoned population on the planet, I’ll tell you that.

It's slower, but you see all kinds of cool stuff for the first time.I can help fix that.  I have, I do, and I try to do it in every single relationship in my life whether personal or professional, platonic or intimate.
There are literally hundreds of people who can testify to that directly, and thousands who can do so indirectly, and they’re easy to find.  I don’t need to be shy or artificially modest about that anymore.  I know how to influence people, I’m honorably and nobly motivated, I have a firmly established public reputation for integrity, and there’s no need for me to pretend otherwise just because some social expectation says it’s gauche to acknowledge your own worth.
I don’t have to keep saying “I can change the world.”

I’m not about potential anymore.

I’ve changed the world, for the better, and I am changing the world for the better, every chance I get.  I don’t know that I can ever balance the scales of karma for being the self-absorbed bastard I was between 17 and 30, but as I prepare to turn 46 tomorrow I can say without flinching that I’ve started consistently tipping them in a positive direction.  I’m going to continue doing so every way I can.

I’ve found the right combinations of parts within myself to demonstrably make the world a better place in a significant way.  Hundreds of thousands of people have seen my work and watched my videos and listened to my podcasts over the last few years, and that’s working literally on the barest possible resources including the time to use what little gear I have.

Those of you who really pay attention will realize that the biggest reason my messages are so long is that I write them while I’m in the process of thinking about them and it’s generally just a stream-of-consciousness thing that you all eventually read. If I’m posting a blog article I’ll spell-check it, and I pay attention to the red squiggly lines in my text boxes, but it’s very rarely that I write five thousand words and then go back through condensing and so forth.

I repeat myself intentionally; the rule of thumb I’ve always understood and had strongly reinforced at college was you have to say something three times before whoever you’re talking to really hears it, and that’s before you start trying to convince them to feel a certain way about it.

So now you know a little bit more about me as a human being than you did three minutes ago.


But I digress. I guess I just wanted to write this all out and kinda let people know where my life is right now.  Thanks for staying on the ride.  One way or the other, it’s heading in the right direction and gaining speed, if slowly.